Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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