he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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