After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
