someone threw a dead crab at me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
