Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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