and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think your dad took our porno
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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