i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
