we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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