You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
