If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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