so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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