I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
