can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
