I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
