Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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