I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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