I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
