oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
