I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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