At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
