I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
