there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
