so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
