My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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