I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
