Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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