my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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