You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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