Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
