i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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