Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
