Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
