I must be too annoying 4 u.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
