I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
