Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
