You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
