You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
