can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
