It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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