My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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