Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
