its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
