Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
