my phone needs a breathalizer
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
