Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
