If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
