She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
