The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
