i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
