I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
