we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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