i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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