If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
