Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
