My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
its liver damage thursday
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
