I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
