you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
