either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
