yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
