Already got asked if we're dating
I love black thongs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
