Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
