She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
