bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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