Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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