Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
