I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize