Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
