I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
