Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
