Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
