I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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