we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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