woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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