Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
