The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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