I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
