Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
