My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize