Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
