i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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