She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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