The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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