Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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