This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
