My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
